none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
