i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
