I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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