Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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