I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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