It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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