I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
it glows. i had to have it.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
