what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
