so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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