I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
