Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
