it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I can't turn off my feet"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
