I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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