insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
