He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
