If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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