You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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