Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.

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(818): View more from California

Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.

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(440): View more from Ohio

Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.

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(937): View more from Ohio

how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?

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(646): View more from New York

Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.

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(815): View more from Illinois

It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..

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(813): View more from Florida

Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.

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(904): View more from Florida

If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.

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