Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She's the barista slut.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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