That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
