yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
