69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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