He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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