Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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