Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
