I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
