I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
