so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
