he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
