Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
