You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
