I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
