I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
