she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize