Welp...herpes.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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