How'd it feel making her break her religion?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
