just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
