you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
