a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
