Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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