i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize