I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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