i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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