so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
