I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
