Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
