He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
