It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
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