I wish life had little blips of pornography
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
