No awkward lesbian experiences without me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
