So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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