Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
