Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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