Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
