there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
