so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
