Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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