Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
