does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It was confusing and full of hummus
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
