you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
