Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
