I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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