i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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