dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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