I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
