so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
