I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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