you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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