Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
