i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
