please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
