I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
