i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
