I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
