Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
