my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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