apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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