He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
