I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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