At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
