so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
