I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
