Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize