Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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