Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
