Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
