Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
