good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm eating all of the evidence.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
