jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
