I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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