cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize