And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
