God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Pants are for mortals
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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