i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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