after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
