just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
