I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
