Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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