my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
