You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
