Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
