margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
