well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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