she looked like the bat from fern gully.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
