theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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