im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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